Thursday, May 08, 2008

We'll have to put you down

I don't know if it had anything to do with recent events of the Kentucky Derby where a horse had to be put down. I don't know if it was that or if that even stirred my emotions and entered my subconscious and turned up in dreams.

Yeas, I had to be euthanized. It was doctors orders. Though it seemed that family and "friends" or what have you did not seem bothered by all this. I myself was going around in a hospital asking myself questions. But then you never remember every detail of a dream. But I do remember not thinking it was a big deal. Doctor says I gotta go. Not fit for life. And I had accepted that.. in my dream. But one thing bothered me. Would I really be dead? I mean, what if I seemed dead and they buried me not knowing that I was still somehow "alive." I was all set to go when I finally realized, based on that one thought, I could not do it! I can't accept my euthanasia because I don't believe I will be fully dead and I will feel the dirt on my face!

But it turns out that the doctor was not honest with me. I didn't have to be put down and (I think) he wanted the money. Can't really make heads or tails. But I woke and thought "Oh good, I really didn't really go through any of that." But I was a little upset that I had the chance to painlessly ... well... you know.

We can analyze this, but it's so obvious to me and to anyone who knows me what's going on here. But still. Just wanted to share.